Expectations

"I do my thing and you do yours. I am no in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mind. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped."

Why do we expect things from people? From friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, siblings, cousins, other relatives, teachers, neighbors to even strangers: we are always expecting something. For them to talk to you constantly, to reply to your text, to write on your wall, to make soup when you're sick, to hug you, to love you, to take care of you, to keep you updated, to ask you questions, to buy you clothes, to teach you properly, to give you good grades, to avoid littering on your yard, to hold the door open, to smile at you, to make you food, to yell at you, to go on adventures with you...to do so much. We are always expecting!

But are we wrong to expect? Is it possible to stop expecting? And even if we say that we don't expect something, are we being true to ourselves? Doesn't it just make sense that we expect a friend to care for us? After all, the definition of friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people. And the role of a parent is to raise and nurture a child. And the role of a spouse is to help you and meet you halfway. Right? So then what's wrong with it? We get hurt when we expect. When we really expect. When someone doesn't meet us halfway, we get screwed over. How? Cause we get upset that we're doing more than the other person or that they're just not doing what they should be doing.

Most of this isn't even worth writing about because I'm sure by now all of you are thinking about specific situations that you've dealt with that have to do with "expectations". But the big question is: what are we supposed to do? To what extent do we expect? How do we get rid of this need to expect? What do we do?!!!

I wish I just had an answer for you. But I don't think I do. Personally speaking, I have step 1 of probably many that I'm working on that I'll share. I honestly don't think any of you will agree but oh well, here goes nothing. My life is about me. Not in a selfish way whatsoever, but in a more giving way. I need to first figure out what I expect from myself...what do I want in the future? What are my real goals? Most of us do have similar goals (to become a better person, to give back to the community, to be financially stable, etc.). Once these goals are set in mind, we need to remember something: we have choices at all times. Remember the "situations" post? It kind of goes back to that. Everything you do in life is a choice-including the people you associate with. (No, you don't choose your neighbors necessarily but you do choose which you talk to more and which you don't. No, you don't choose which strangers you bump into but you do choose how many you are nice to.) But yes, everything in life is a choice, right? So now put those things together: you have certain goals in life+you can make choices=a happy life.

Let's say that you realize that a certain someone is not living up to your expectations. Before even thinking about getting rid of those expectations, think about this: a) Are they helping you achieve your goals or are they deterring you from doing so? b) Can you choose to have them in your life? If they are deterring you and you can choose to not be "as close" with them, then back away. You will no longer expect anything from them because you will once again put yourself in the center of your universe.

Remember this is just a step...because obviously this doesn't hit upon the other side: what if they can help you achieve it? Or what if you can't choose to have them in your life (spouse, family, etc.)? Then there's probably still a lot that you can do. For one thing, I would confront the person. I know people that are afraid of confrontation (cough cough Hina...), but it really is such an important thing in life. You have to let someone know that you aren't happy with the way things are, because maybe they truly don't realize it. There are so many people that would choose to just ignore the situation and live life (actually, most people do this). But this is so terrible because you bottle up feelings of anger, resentment and hatred towards this person and although your expectations cease to matter, your negative feelings increase. So this does not go well at all...

So did I really help you out? Nah, most probably not. But that's because I'm still really working on this, especially at the current moment. I'm not here to "help" you, I'm here to SHARE with you because sharing is caring! So please be sweet and tell me your thoughts because I would love to know. Clearly, I love thinking about these things. Anyway, I'll let you know if I resolve my issues!

So long <3

Happy 43rd Birthday Mom!

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."

"Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together."

 

"If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been."

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child."

WOW so many good quotes for mothers, but I rather share my own thoughts now =) My Mom's birthday is today, and as you can see she's turning 43. Yup, she's still young! But more than that, she's young at heart. My Mom is one of my closest friends, the other two being Dad and Nick. I absolutely love everything about her, and wish I told her that more often. I talk to my family once a week if we find time for each other and even then, the conversations last 2 minutes each. When we're together at home, we can talk for hours and hours. But more than that, we can fight. We are so damn good are arguing about anything and everything. WHY? 

I wish I could control what I'm about to say at all times because I know that I would be yelling a lot more at home. I really wish that I could express my love, gratitude and respect towards my Mom at all times, but it's not my fault...we're so extremely similar that our personalities clash! I guess that's a good thing though because I love everything about my Mom-her values, her thoughts, her feelings, etc. It's really awesome knowing that I'm just like her =p even though that is mad creepy to those that know the both of us haha. 

I know that we won't change. I know that we'll always stay the way we are with each other. So because of that, I use her birthday, Mother's Day and her anniversary to show how much I really love her, even if she knows it all the time. My Mom is amazing-I don't need to say it for her to know. She just knows it. I love talking to her. I love arguing with her. I love laughing with her. I love ganging up on Dad with her. I love love love her. I love listening to her thoughts because they're usually the same ones that are running in my mind. 

I am proud to be a daughter of someone so strong, so amazing. I am proud to be a daughter of someone that cares so much about...everything. I am proud of her for all that she's done. And I always will be. You've done a hell of a good job with Nick, and I wish you could see that just as everyone else does. You're accepting, you're caring, you're loving, you're sweet. If there's one thing I could do, it's to take away all the pain you feel and give you all of my happiness. You deserve the best, and I hope that you know that. 

I love you <3 

Appreciate your Mothers. There's no one else in the world like them.
Happy 43rd Birthday <3
So long <3

Follow-Up: Cure Rayan

"MYTH: Bone marrow donation is painful.

FACT: General or regional anesthesia is always used for this procedure. Donors feel no needle injections and no pain during the marrow donation process. Afterwards, most donors feel some pain in the lower back for a few days or longer." - DKMS Americas

So I asked each of you to take on the 10 people challenge a little over a month ago, and was wondering how that's going. I am sure that it hasn't gone far because we are all very, very busy-and that is understandable. But please take a moment to read this seriously because it would mean a lot to me and so many others out there. I am just going to ramble on in no order whatsoever to show you how important this is...

What if this was your child? Friend? Parent? Relative? Neighbor? Wouldn't that make you want to become registered? Wouldn't that make you want to get millions of people to register? 

Do you think it's painful? Really...did you get this "fact" from a movie/book?? Read the myth vs. fact again. Actually, do me a huge favor and read the following link thoroughly to learn more about the facts: http://www.dkmsamericas.org/bone-marrow-donors/become-marrow-donor/bone-marrow-donation-process/myth-vs-facts

Do you want to help people? What better way than to directly save a life. You can donate money to different things but it will not be the same as this. It won't feel the same. 

The chance for a Caucasian patient to find a match is between 40-80%

The chance for a minority to find a match is approximately 1.7%

Can I emphasize: it hurts for the most a few days and then your bone marrow grows back or whatever the medical terminology is. You are totally fine. You don't even feel that something happened. ...why is a needle stopping you from this? I really don't get it.

Since this is a follow-up, there's obviously another post (March 7th) about this. Please read it if you skimmed it before. You might actually be the one to save Rayan. Or just someone else.

Why do I care so much? A childhood friend of mine is walking, alive and well because he received a bone marrow transplant. What could make me happier?

I UNDERSTAND if you really can't because of medical issues-I do have a heart, I swear. But most other excuses do not work for me. What's yours? Maybe I can change your mind.

Please have a heart and convince others to become registered bone marrow donors. 

****If you ever get that special phone call saying that you match someone and will be able to donate and think that you want to opt out of it, please please please please call me so I can remind you of the moral obligation. Please. Have a heart, save a life, tell a friend. Do whatever it takes to save Rayan and all those in need of a transplant.

So long <3

Situations

"Everything occurring in your life has been perfectly orchestrated to inspire your maximal evolution as a human being and bring you into your true power. Learn from life and allow it to take you where you are meant to go-it has your higher interests in mind." - Robin Sharma

So first of all, I didn't realize that you guys were actually reading this. It was so nice to find out that people care and have time for this...and it kind of in turn inspires me to write more. Thank you :) 

Okay, back to this post. Look at the quote again, and think about what it means to you. Do you believe it? I know that at times I definitely don't, so don't be scared to say "no". [Remember, lying to yourself will only make your life more difficult.] Anyway, so keep thinking about what that quote is saying while you read everything below. Actually, what I think you should really do is take time away from the rest of this post to think about what it means to you and how that quote can change your life at the moment. Once you're done, come back and read my personal thoughts on it.

...or you can continue reading. Either works for me. So I'm going to just think of a lot of situations and then explain what I got out of that quote. 

1) Your roommate starts getting mad at you about the littlest of things, and you talk to her/him about it. You see that there is no real reason behind this anger your roommate has. Instead, there is a slight jealous undertone because your roommate is not happy about the fact that you have friends that are not mutual; therefore, you hang out with others without inviting him/her. How do you react? (a) You are annoyed and you stop talking to her. (b) You are annoyed and you let her know that you are annoyed before you stop talking to her. (c) You are annoyed and you pretend that nothing happened, meaning that you talk to her but are essentially "fake". (d) You are truly okay with it, and continue to treat her like a really good friend because you feel that she still is one from the bottom of your heart. Which seems to be the best way to respond? *Ding ding ding* you got it! But now seriously speaking, how are you most likely to respond? It isn't (d), is it? Most likely, no. It's not.

2) You are with a great group of friends that you've known forever. They constantly make fun of one person that you don't know so well. You have never spoken to this person but you've heard so much about him/her that you feel as if you've known him forever. Let me emphasize that these are really, really good friends of yours; therefore, you're with them all the time. You finally see this person one day because you happen to be in the same class and this person is in your group for the day. How do you react? (a) Negatively towards the person since you have those [subconscious] emotions for them? (b) Negatively towards the person because you accept everything bad your friends say about the person. (c) Neutrally-you decide you will figure out how the person is on your own. (d) Positively-you don't really think about judging the person; you just act if it is anyone else and you assume that you can (and will) become friends with this person. Once again, what would you do? What should you do? Is there an obvious answer? Yes, I think so.

3) You are a junior in college. You are super busy: You are studying for some super important exam (MCATs, LSATs, etc.). You are studying for some not so important exams (neuropsychology, accounting, etc.). You are writing papers for some classes (research, religion, etc.). You are reading some boring but potentially interesting books (religion, philosophy, etc.). You are involved with three different on campus organizations. You are pledging for a fraternity. And your parents want you home every other weekend for some cute family game nights. Or something like that. You also have so many good groups of friends that like to hang out and just be kids. So you really are busy. Your parents ask you to come home one weekend to do something important (celebrate a holiday, take care of your siblings, etc.) but you are swamped: you have meetings, things to do, and you have been invited to what is supposed to be the wildest party of the semester. What would you do? (a) Go home and be grouchy the whole time. (b) Go home and be really happy. (c) Go home and do your work while doing what your parents want. (d) Stay at school and go to your meeting and get your work done. (e) Stay at school and go to your meeting and go to the party. (f) Stay at school and do whatever combination you can at school basically. Is there a right answer to this? I don't think so, maybe you disagree. But yes, that's the situation-you answer however you would like to.

So what am I getting at?! Let's look at what we can learn from these situations. 

1) if we choose to go on with our lives and just truly continue liking her as we did, then we're getting a lot out of it. Selfish? Maybe, but not really. You are growing, you are developing. How? You are forgiving. You are opening up your heart and choosing to focus on yourself and your life. You aren't letting anyone else's negative actions change you. Instead, you are choosing to be "the better person." I know that sounds cliche and all, but think about it. You are helping yourself by being a better person. Isn't that awesome? To forgive is to have compassion, and if you are able to forgive someone when they do random/silly things as situation #1, then you will find it easy for your heart to forgive later. It will be natural for you, and that will make you better and happier. You don't have to agree, but that is definitely how I feel.

2) I personally think that this one is a lot more obvious. By being positive about the situation, you are doing so many good things. First of all, you're being positive. That's always a good thing. But more than that, you are being accepting. It is so difficult for people to just accept others into this world. I don't think I really have to expand on this point, but just imagine if you chose to accept that one person into your life with no prior feelings towards them. Who knows...they could be your best friend in the near future. Right?

3) Like I said before, this has no right or wrong answer. But what do we learn from this point? Priorities are important. If we have our values/morals/goals straight, then it will be extremely easy for us to make decisions. More than that, we'll never regret the decisions that we make because they have a foundation. 

Okay so the main point of this: do you realize a common theme in each situation?? You ALWAYS have a choice. Every single thing you do in life can go in many different ways. Whether you go to class or not, whether you say hi to someone or not, whether you pick up your phone or not, whether you walk around the BCC or through the BCC...every single thing you do is a decision. So why not think about it and make the "right" choice? Or the better choice? You probably think that I'm insane right now. How can we possibly think about making the "right" decision at every second? We can't. But maybe we can do it once a week for one situation, right? If you know that you are making the better choice at least once a week, then you are becoming a better person at least once a week. Doesn't that sound almost too good to be true? But think about it because it really does make sense. More than that, you will begin to imbibe so many things such as forgiveness, selflessness, unconditional love, acceptance, etc. I honestly am so excited & happy right now just sharing my epiphany because it just seems so amazing! 

If you think that this is obvious and I'm being silly, then that's great/amazing for you! I know this and I know that it's obvious BUT I also know that I have not spent time to think about all of my actions even if others have told me. I think I needed it simplified and after thinking about that quote for a few days, it was broken down in my mind so I wanted to share. As always, these are my thoughts-you do not have to agree! 

If this doesn't explain what I'm saying enough, then let me know please! And if you aren't as excited as I am at the moment, then let me know!! I will write more :) I will explain more, I will share more. If you need someone to hold you accountable for analyzing one situation per week, let me know-I'll be glad to be that person. I think that as friends we are supposed to be working on becoming better people together. So why not start now?

So long <3

Why is My Dad ALWAYS Smiling?

"My Father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me."

I went to drink some water and happened to look out the window right when my Dad was laughing so hard while playing a silly little game of cricket with his cousin, my brother, and some of my younger cousins. Just moments before seeing this, I was listening in on a conversation that my Aunt and Mom were having about certain members on Dad's side of the family. Let me sum up the two stories I heard because they are quite ridiculous and they upset me so incredibly much.

1. My Dad's Mama's (I call him Dada) youngest son kicked him out of the house recently, just a little after he got surgery. This Dada is one of the sweetest Dadas I've ever met. I became close with him after my Mota Kaka (Dada's oldest son) passed away suddenly during my sophomore year in high school. I was very close with my Mota Kaka, and I had known how excited he was about his Dad coming from India after not having seen him for 10 years; therefore, I know that this Dada was extremely upset to come to the airport and find out that his eldest son had passed away...Ever since then, he's been very quiet and just soft spoken because he hates the fact that he had to be at one of his own sons' funeral. So back to the main part: this sweet old man who needs a place to live has been kicked out. His heavy heart is now much so much heavier. ...so not cool. 

2. I am going to number my Kakis so you know what's going on. Kaki #1's two sons wanted to hang out with Kaki #2's sons so she let them go. Kaki #2 then refused to get lunch for Kaki #1's sons, for no apparent reason but to say no. The sons then told their mother (Kaki #1) and she awesomely confronted Kaki #2 who just kept lying to get around everything. The point of the story: Kaki #2 was being selfish for no damn reason. I understand if she's poor and can't afford food-but a) she wasn't paying for them, they were for free b) she's rich c) she's just rude, clearly because if that were the case, then she shouldn't be getting food in front of the other two boys (oh, by the way, they are ages 5 and 8). Right? Right.

So why am I telling you this? It's very personal-why should you care? Well, you don't necessarily have to care about my families' stories, but I just really want to make sure that MY friends never ever turn into the Kaka that kicked out his own Father or Kaki #2. I'm tired of just smiling and pretending that everything's always okay with family members because that's not the case. Why do someone people always have to sacrifice and be sweet and amazing while the rest get to be the bitches, the douchebags? It's really not fair. I hope to never hear such stories about you guys (you know how gossipy the world is). Please please please always put yourselves in other peoples' positions. It's true: "treat others the way you want to be treated". It's the GOLDEN rule. Just follow it...and if you make a mistake, don't cover it up in lies. Apologize sincerely and fix it. Don't make the same mistakes again. I swear that stories like this make me so upset that I just want to go to the person and shout at them and tell them how dumb they are...but too bad for me, my parents don't let me. (Oh yes, I've done it before. I'm known to be the only person on both sides of my family that really truly calls people out for their mistakes in front of crowds of people. It's my specialty...but I only do it because I really think people just really need to be told what they're doing is wrong. Maybe they don't realize it. And if they do, then they just need to be publicly humiliated. What do you think? Hah.) Anyway, I really applaud those that are able to speak their minds because if families become torn and messed up, then maybe God really does want a fresh start. No matter what we do outside (ex. volunteer), it won't make a difference if we can't be good to our families. Seriously...they are our everything. Our pillars, our constant support, our encouragement, our love, our everything...how can we just do such things to them?!

So where does my Dad come into all of this? Well, these two stories are of MANY stories from both Mom and Dad's sides of the families. We hear so many things, we experience so many things...yet, my Dad is so good to every single person. He never ever shows any negativity when he's around them. I don't know how he does it. I hold grudges like you can't imagine, and most people I know also do that. But my Dad, he just can't do that. One of my closest friends once described my Dad as the following: "you know, if someone accidentally drove a car over your Dad's foot, he'd continue smiling and waving to say bye." [It sounds dumb now, but at the moment it was awesome because he almost accidentally drove over Dad's foot.] Anyway, it's really true. Dad just loves everyone and is just so happy. I guess that's one of the many reasons I admire him so much and strive to be like him.

So the ultimate point of this post is the following-what do we do if we're being great to others and it doesn't make a difference? What if they're bad to our parents, friends, spouse, kids, etc.? What do we do? We be like my Dad...we just keep smiling. And that is something we all need to work on. Just smiling.

By the way, I really hope that no one's given this around to others...I know who's reading my blog and I like it that way :) Especially when things are very personal. Thank you! And I hope you don't think I'm "telling" you to do things (like smile for instance) but I'm just sharing my thoughts. If you don't like them, then stop reading my posts =p

So long <3 Smile!

Valuing Time

Here's an email I've seen quite a few times that I wanted to share with you all. None of the following is written by me :) but it's worth seeing.

Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.  
 
Please read the following quietly then send it back on its journey 
 
To realize the value of a sister/brother ask someone who doesn't have one. 
 
To realize the value of ten years: ask a newly divorced couple. 
 
To realize the value of four years: ask a graduate. 
 
To realize the value of one year: ask a student who has failed a final exam. 
 
To realize the value of nine months: ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn. 
 
To realize the value of one month: ask a mother who has given birth to a premature  baby.. 
 
To realize the value of one minute: ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane. 
 
To realize the value of one-second: ask a person who has survived an accident. 
 
Time waits for no one; treasure every moment you have. 
 
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. 
 
To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE. 
 
The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on. 
 
Remember...Hold on tight to the ones you love! 


So long <3

The Castle

"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."

This past week, I saw a play titled "The Castle" and was expecting it to be boring, but wow...I cried for the whole play and just walked out upset and shocked. I heard 4 ex-prisoners talk about their lives before prison, during prison, after prison...basically just everything about them. I realized that we judge so many people based on their situations, and sometimes, they can't really help what they go through and where they land. So 3 out of 4 grew up in a way that didn't allow them to grow and develop properly. They didn't know any better; therefore, they did bad things that landed them in jail. And then after that, when they were sent to certain corrective institutions, they were treated so badly that their anger just increased and they came out worse. Their lives just kept screwing up more and more because they couldn't live in society and they couldn't get help anywhere.

Each of them eventually were introduced to a place called The Castle that helped them change their lives. They were given help in many different ways, and more than that, they were taught how to fit into society again. After a long time, they were able to live their lives and today they all have families and are very happy people. They are also helping other people fit into society because they themselves know how difficult it is to get help.

So this got me thinking...why do things like this happen? It's not fair. It's not fair that their lives suck from the beginning and that that causes them to screw up more and that causes them to go to prison and that causes them to seek help...and what's not fair the most is that a lot of places are corrupt and don't really want to help, so it screws people up even more. WHY?!

Okay so another thing-one of the guys was like "I learned how to read and write in college" and another said "I worked on my college degree while I was there". Wow...how incredible! I guess this all just put a lot in perspective for me personally because I realized how much I should appreciate what I have in life. I have a family that supports me and guides me to do the right things. I go to a school that has so many resources for me. I have friends that are there for me and make sure I do what's right-I'm so lucky! And yet, I complain about so much. [I am saying "I" because I don't want to offend you, but I'm sure this also applies to many of you. Just saying.]

But here's another thing. How many times do we hear someone speak or watch something and think "wow, this puts life in perspective...I'm going to appreciate things more." I know that I've done that so often. So how do we keep that motivation and inspiration and gratitude in our lives? So this time, I contacted a prison outreach program and either this summer or in September, I will begin to volunteer a few hours a week at a corrective institution. I think that by going to a place and helping people learn how to read and write, learn simple math, etc. I will be reminded weekly and I will learn to appreciate more often. And more than that, I will just be able to help people...oh God that's a whole other topic. I just want to HELP the world. But we'll talk about that later. I just wanted to share with you one way that I hope to be more grateful in life.

So long. <3

World Cup

" I have never believed in comparisons, whether they are about different eras, players or coaches." - Sachin Tendulkar

Sooo...when statuses and profile pictures started popping up so often about waking up mad early for cricket matches, I thought everyone was going insane. I didn't realize why so many people in America were taking it so seriously, and I was just annoyed at my newsfeed. But..yup, you guessed it, I eventually got pulled into it as well. I mean, I can't just sit there and watch them play because that I find so boring. But I do like keeping track of the score to see who has how many runs-outs, overs/50. I guess I might enjoy watching it if it weren't through the internet, but who knows. 

Anyway, random things I just wanted to share that are going on in my mind. First of all HOW DID SEHWAG AND TENDULKAR get out soooooo fast? But then I thought-it's so easy for us to say such things, but do we even think about how they feel? They work so much for this, and one mistake or throw or whatever just messes up EVERYTHING! Can you imagine that happening to you? You work so incredibly hard-you practice, you study, you read, you do so much...and then within minutes, it doesn't matter anymore. Everyone just gets really frustrated with you =[ Just another way to look at it from their point of view.

Someone was asking "why do countries come together so much for things like this?! It's JUST a sport..." Well, at least they do come together at one point. And more than that, they also come together during tragedies so at least they're not only doing it during this. Random thought-I think it's so cool how we have team countries for cricket, where as football, basketball, etc. kind of split up states/areas. Right? But then again not every sport is like that. 

But yeah I guess that the main thing is just not being so angry with them because it's so easy being us (we're just viewers after all) and it's so difficult being them...millions (probably billions) of people are watching them and expecting them to win. They are playing against an amazing team-that is why they are at the WORLD cup. So no matter who wins, just be proud of India for making it to the world cup.

And if Sachin Tendulkar really does retire...then :( because he won't be able to win ever again. But he does have a wife and 2 kids, and he always talked about wanting to spend more time with him even if he loves cricket with all of his heart and wants it to be a part of his life forever. Hopefully he doesn't become a couch potato...who knows, maybe he'll start coaching a team or just volunteer. I hope that he continues to sponsor 200 underprivileged kids every year. 

Go Sachin!

OH and...our parents should learn something from Sachin =p they should stop comparing us to everyone else in the world!

P.S. WE WON! This is a day to remember. =] It's all for Sachin!

So long <3