Fear of Happiness

"It's too good to be true."

I might have written something similar to this once before, but a new day, a new post.

On November 1st 2010, I realized how much I liked my statistics course. After ASC's blanket drive (which went really well), I decided I'd stop at Dunkin Donuts and study just because I finally enjoyed this class. Until 3am, I sat there [happily!] studying away. On my drive home, I thought about how great everything was: I was doing decent in the classes I hated, doing well in the ones I liked; ASC was doing better than ever (our attendance sky-rocketed); and my friends were awesome (nothing new, hah). Life was good. I couldn't've been happier...nothing could make this feeling go away. I was just HAPPY. I literally couldn't stop smiling. I remember exactly how I felt, and thought that things would just keep getting better.

Twelve hours later, I received a phone call informing me that my cousin passed away. Smile? Gone. All of those feelings stated above? Gone.

That's just one vivid memory. I can think of so many other times when I'm just so happy with the way things are, when classes are good, when work is good, when I'm making new friends, when I feel successful and just can't stop smiling. And then, that's always followed by something so tragic (usually a death in the family). At first, I didn't realize the pattern so it didn't affect me too much. Until one day, it clicked. My first thought? I don't deserve to be happy because clearly someone somewhere is after me every time I embrace my happiness. After I started thinking this, I could think nothing else. Although I didn't sit there and dwell on my realization, it began to affect me in a very negative way. This also took me awhile to realize, but once I did, I realized that everyone goes through the same cycle. The result? We all begin to stop ourselves from being happy. Every time something good happens to us, we don't share the news with someone, fearing that something bad will negate your news. You stop going out of your way to make yourself happy, because you don't want to deal with "the consequences"...

But is that how it's supposed to be?! Are we really supposed to limit ourselves? Are we really supposed to stop ourselves from being happy? Should we fear happiness because we believe that it comes in a package with sadness?

Obviously, as always, to each its own. You can (and should) believe what you want to, but here's the answer that I've come up with...no...it's quite simple. First of all, we need to figure out what happiness means to us because everyone has their own definition of it. If you aren't sure, then that means you have a lot of experiences left to go through to figure that out (which is great!). If you believe that you've defined it, then be open to the idea of it changing because as you grow older, your thoughts will change. Anyway, second, once you know what happiness means to you, go after it! Isn't every period of happiness worth a little bit of sadness that MAY follow? (Key word: MAY. It doesn't necessarily happy every time!) Third, stop being so afraid of everything. If you live in fear, you'll miss out on so much. You won't take opportunities that come your way, you won't let yourself fall in love with someone or something, you won't help yourself find happiness...

So to quickly recap: it's okay to be happy. Don't think so much, don't stop yourself. Just live, laugh & learn! Dance a little hear and there, sing once in awhile, hang out with your friends, do silly things, don't work so hard, waste a little bit of time...just be happy. After all, when you look back at life, nothing will make you smile more than your periods of giddy happiness!

So long <3

P.S. For those of you that are always worried about me for whatever reasons, I guess I should say that the reason I wrote this post is because I'm just so happy right now...for so many reasons. I know that something bad can come along, but it's okay because I'll overcome that obstacle and be happy again. =) So stop worrying!

Why Worry?

“Worrying is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.”
"Worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum."

So this blog has two parts. Here's part 1, sweet and simple. 

 I feel as if the first two quotes are self-explanatory. If there's an issue, worrying about it won't do anything. I guess it's similar to crying in certain situations-it won't really do much to better whatever the problem is. It's kind of like staring at your food and expecting to feel full without taking a bite. You can't just expect things to happen, because that's not the way the world works. It never has, and never will.
_________________________________________________________________

And here beings the most important part, part 2!

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore"

First watch this if you haven't seen it already: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGIY5Vyj4YM

Okay so YES it's a little extreme, but is it really?? Aren't there times that you just get so frustrated and realize you're tired of waiting for things to happen? Then why aren't you doing it? I guess this oddly goes well with the previous post (not planned at all) where I just want to let you know that your life is in your hands. Don't just sit there and wait for life to unfold, unfold it yourself. Sometimes you won't know where you want to go or what you want to do...well, start going somewhere and you'll figure it out! Trust me, sitting on FaceBook or imgur will not help you figure your life out (usually won't, anyway). "I'm a human being, goddamnit, my life has value." He's right! Your life DOES have value, no matter who you are and no matter what other people say. Honestly, others will always speak their mind. That does not mean that they are right...prove them wrong! Get mad, get up and make a difference in your own life! 


P.S. Once you figure your own life out, go help someone else :) Volunteer! Make a difference!


So long <3

Who's Stopping You?

"Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment--this day--is as good as any moment in all eternity. I shall make of this day--each moment of this day--a heaven on earth. This is my day of opportunity."

My cousins got accepted into college, yay! Congratulations to them! One is staying at home and the other has two options: stay at home or come to New York (from Ohio) for college. Well, while talking to them about everything, I realized something: we always come up with excuses to not do something. I've been thinking about it for awhile when it comes to my own dreams/goals/wants and reality. 

For example, before I came to college, I had decided that I would be studying abroad no matter what. It's my junior year, I'm almost done with school, and I have yet to do so. Why? Who's stopping me? I've wanted to be an event planner for a few years now, but everyone always thinks that it's a "whatever" dream. No one really discouraged me from doing it, but no one encouraged me either. Recently, my Kaka accidentally threw an opportunity on my lap and asked me to plan my cousin's wedding. I almost let it slip right through my fingers! Why?! Who's stopping me?!! 

Does that make sense? I feel like, our answer to "who's stopping you" is always similar: parents, friends, teachers, etc. But really, how hard do we try to convince them otherwise? Do we fight for what we want? If the answer is yes, then great! Keep fighting, fight harder! If the answer is no, then why not? If you don't believe in yourself or your dreams/goals, then you're never going to be able to fight for it. Figure out what you want, when you want it, and go get it. And sometimes, if you aren't so sure about what you want, then just take whatever opportunity comes your way and go with it! You never know, you might love it. 

But essentially, remember this: if there's an open door, walk in. If there are two, walk into the one with a riskier outcome because you'll learn so much. Step out of your comfort zone, try something new. Make a list of what you want in life, and refer to it when you forget what's on the list. The more you do, the more you grow and develop; the more exciting you'll find life! Honestly, there are two ways to look at it, and either are pretty much the same (depends on how you look at it I guess): 1) Live each day as if it's your first. 2) Live each day as if it's your last. And yeah, it's good to stop and smell the roses, but not all the time...go, get up and make your life as fabulous as it can be! 

So long <3

Managing Today!

"Managing is like holding a dove in your hand. If you squeeze too tight, you kill it. Open your hand too much, you let it go."

So this past week, I attended all of my classes for this semester as least once so I know what I'm getting myself into this semester. I know one thing for sure: I am absolutely in love with Management: Human Systems Development (HSD)! The professor is great, the textbook is an easy read and the content is so fascinating. I realize that I really can't wait to manage my own business and have it in an office where employees feel comfortable, clients feel welcomed, and everyone is always happy. I know I know...nothing can be perfect. But this book really shows issues that are easy to fix once you realize that they're there. More than that, my professor has had some great experience in the "real world" and is able to share all of that with us. He is extremely honest about what really goes on. The best part is that he has ways of helping us through any issues that might arise. It's easy to tell how much he really cares about us and our well-being. For the first time ever, I hate when class ends because what he has to say is just so incredible!

What I'm getting at is this: if you ever stand up in front of a class as the instructor, make sure you care about the people you're staring at. I know that a lot of my friends plan on doing some sort of teaching: being teachers as a profession, doing Teach for America, or becoming professors when they are older. Remember the following: show your students what you have in you: your passion, your patience and your kindness. Honestly, if you put in 100%, then your students are going to love you. They are going to idolize you, and you will form some of the greatest relationships in your life. In college, I only remember those professors that really impacted me and care about my future...honestly, I can't remember the names of the rest. This is who you want to be.

To add a little before I'm done, here's something from the Internet:

The most successful teachers share some common characteristics. Here are the top six keys to being a successful teacher. Every teacher can benefit from focusing on these important qualities. Success in teaching, as in most areas of life, depends almost entirely on your attitude and your approach.

1. Sense of Humor

A sense of humor can help you become a successful teacher. Your sense of humor can relieve tense classroom situations before they become disruptions. A sense of humor will also make class more enjoyable for your students and possibly make students look forward to attending and paying attention. Most importantly, a sense of humor will allow you to see the joy in life and make you a happier person as you progress through this sometimes stressful career.

2. A Positive Attitude

A positive attitude is a great asset in life. You will be thrown many curve balls in life and especially in the teaching profession. A positive attitude will help you cope with these in the best way. For example, you may find out the first day of school that you are teaching Algebra 2 instead of Algebra 1. This would not be an ideal situation, but a teacher with the right attitude would try to focus on getting through the first day without negatively impacting the students.

3. High Expectations

An effective teacher must have high expectations. You should strive to raise the bar for your students. If you expect less effort you will receive less effort. You should work on an attitude that says that you know students can achieve to your level of expectations, thereby giving them a sense of confidence too. This is not to say that you should create unrealistic expectations. However, your expectations will be one of the key factors in helping students learn and achieve.

4. Consistency

In order to create a positive learning environment your students should know what to expect from you each day. You need to be consistent. This will create a safe learning environment for the students and they will be more likely to succeed. It is amazing that students can adapt to teachers throughout the day that range from strict to easy. However, they will dislike an environment in which the rules are constantly changing.

5. Fairness

Many people confuse fairness and consistency. A consistent teacher is the same person from day to day. A fair teacher treats students equally in the same situation. For example, students complain of unfairness when teachers treat one gender or group of students differently. It would be terribly unfair to go easier on the football players in a class than on the cheerleaders. Students pick up on this so quickly, so be careful of being labelled unfair.

6. Flexibility

One of the tenets of teaching should be that everything is in a constant state of change. Interruptions and disruptions are the norm and very few days are 'typical'. Therefore, a flexible attitude is important not only for your stress level but also for your students who expect you to be in charge and take control of any situation.

Link: http://712educators.about.com/od/teachingstrategies/tp/sixkeys.htm

So long <3

If I Went to Stony Brook...

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

I was in class on Wednesday when my professor asked us to raise our hands if we were from out-of-state. Unfortunately, I was the only one so he asked me where I was from and after I replied, he immediately replied "then what the hell are you doing at Rutgers?!" Although everyone laughed at the time, I thought about what I had expected in the past and wondered if I had made the right decision. Here's what came to mind:

If I Went to Stony Brook:

1. I wouldn't be taking out so many loans for school.
2. I wouldn't be attending a Yuvati Kendra every Tuesday. 
3. I wouldn't be a part of Asian Student Council.
4. I wouldn't have seen Shambu Dada before he passed away. 
5. I would have been with my family when Tejalben passed away which would have made things easier. (Although I am so grateful I had my sisters here with me.)
6. I wouldn't be living in an apartment with three of the most amazing girls. (And I wouldn't have such awesome neighbors.)
7. I would still be keeping in touch with many high school friends.
8. I would have more time to see Mr. Sheehan.
9. I wouldn't miss Nicku's concerts, games or Courts of Honor.
10. I wouldn't be sitting on the VPLC. 
11. I wouldn't be trying to many different kinds of foods. 
12. I obviously wouldn't have all of my Rutgers friends in my life. 
13. I would probably still be arguing with Mom a lot because we wouldn't have had a reason to appreciate each other more (although we have been best friends, always). 
14. I would see my cousins a lot more.
15. I wouldn't have met Amar yet!
16. I wouldn't be so close with Dilipbhai and Sonalbhabhi. 
17. I wouldn't appreciate the little things in life, like sitting at Boyd Park or playing a game of Empire with friends.
18. I would see my dance girls more often.
19. I would have been at home when Nick got hurt. 
20. I wouldn't miss so many family dinners...especially Shraad dinners for my Dadas.
21. I would still be tutoring Mit...I would have still been a part of his life when Masa passed away.
22. I wouldn't have had an awful experience at Enterprise in North Brunswick. Which also means that I wouldn't have Chris in my life.
23. I wouldn't be able to plan Mickyben's wedding as effectively.
24. I wouldn't have had the most awesome snowball fight this morning. (With Radhi, Vatsa, Smeet, Parth, Pranav and Hardik)
25. I wouldn't be a business major.
26. I wouldn't have had the health issues I did last year...maybe.
27. I wouldn't have learned so much from Jersey zone.
28. I would have been able to work at Coco's for a longer period of time.
29. Karma would probably love me more if I saw him more.
30. I would be getting more dollars from my Mama. 
31. I wouldn't be sitting here with some awesome people (Suhash, Neel, Parth, Smeet, Radhi, Nilam & Hardik.) ...after an awesome lunch, dinner & game of "don't touch your cell phone or you have to do the dishes".
32. I wouldn't have had an awesome night discovering the issues I have with my Diamond of Trust (Mohini, Suhash & Smeet).

I know there's so much that I'm missing here, but without thinking about it, that's all I guess. Don't overanalyze it, just realize that it's a way to list things out and put things in perspective. If someone asked me right now if I'm happy with my decision, I'd know my answer is a heartbeat...I wouldn't sit there and think about all of these responses. I hope that that's how you feel about the major decisions you make in your life.

So long <3

Confessions

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." 

So recently, I was with my friends at Yuvati Kendra and we were talking about lies. Somehow, we were talking about our childhood lies and I remembered something I hadn't told anybody. I shared it with them and they could not stop laughing because it was just so silly! That made me think of another situation that I had never confessed to anyone, and that got me thinking...it felt SO good sharing things with people after keeping it to myself for a good 13 years. 

Sometimes we think that we can't share certain facts with anyone because we can't trust people. But once we tell them, we feel so good! I think that's why we always need a good friend in our lives, because there's always something going, something we want to share with people: a good grade on an exam, getting into the college you wanted to, how well a date went, the process of falling in love...a death in the family, losing a job, etc. There are SO many times we need a shoulder to lean on, that's where friends come in because they are the family that you find on your own.

I realized while we were all laughing at my stupid lie from first grade that I was with MY family. Not the one that God gave to me but the one He allowed me to find on my own. I absolutely love them so much, and don't know what I'd do without them. Girls, you mean the world to me :) without you, who would I confess to?! 

Hah, not sure how one thing lead to the next, but I know this much: from now until forever, no matter how often or how little we talk, I will come to you to share more of my secrets because I know that you'll always lend a ear to me and my silliness. For that, I thank you. Love you <3 

P.S. I realized how pathetic I am...I think I follow 15-20 TV shows right now -_- I kind of almost can't wait to be busy with classes again. 


So long. <3

Relationship Titles

"Family like branches on a school, we all grow in different directions yet our roots remain as one."

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to grow up. Not because of the typical reasons little kids can't wait to grow up, but because I thought I was going to make a change in "the system." You know, the one where your Mom's brother is called your Mama, your Dad's younger brother is called Kaka, but your Dad's older brother is called Bapuji, unless of course your family uses the term Mota Papa instead...I would get so frustrated having to memorize what I was supposed to call someone, and was extremely jealous when my American friends simply called their Aunts and Uncles by their first names. I distinctly remember meeting my friend's Uncle, Michael, in first grade. Excited that I didn't have to call him anything but Michael, I went home and called my Mama by his first name, but that didn't go so well. He was the younger and cooler one, so he didn't get mad at me, but he told me that I'd understand one day and it didn't make sense for him to explain it at the time. He said that I would just get it, and no one would need to explain it to me. And because he was always my favorite, I was okay with that. So I waited.

And lo and behold, I am now enlightened. I honestly can't remember when I started falling in love with these titles that we have, but I don't know what we'd do without them! I know that there are times when we get frustrated hearing our grandparents ask: "Don't you remember her? She's your Mami's Kaka's son's bhabhi's daughter?" But so much comes with these words: Mama, Kaka, Foi, Masi, Bhabhi, Jethani, Devar, etc. It adds a ton of respect to our relationships, rather than simply calling someone by their name. Besides the fact that others will know exactly how we're related to someone by hearing their name alone, we are showing everyone how much we respect others. I know that in 2012, a wife can easily call her husband by saying his name, but that didn't happen years ago in India. Similarly, a daughter doesn't call her Father by his first name, she has a special way of calling him. In this same way, our culture has given us a way to show our respect and love to everyone that we are related to. Further, it gives us a way to title people that we meet...you've probably heard your parents call strangers Kaka and Bhai and Bhabhi. Right? This bring everyone together, it brings us closer.

I guess all I wanted to say is that I'm really glad that I'm a part of this relationship web...yes it's confusing at first but it makes things so much simpler!

If you were ever confused about any relationships: http://www.brighthub.com/education/languages/articles/18030.aspx

I know that my writing is choppy...but for whatever reason, it's a lot more difficult writing now than it was last March. I guess I'm kind of forcing myself to write, and finding topics isn't easy when I don't want to write -_- so Anj, if you ever have a good topic, let me know :)

So long <3

Increasing Productivity by Robin Sharma

"Six hundred and seventy-two hours of inner work to profoundly improve every waking moment of the rest of your life is quite a bargain, don’t you think? Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives of all those around you."

Robin Sharma is one of my favorite inspirational writers. If you haven't heard of him, you should read The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, because it'll just put things into perspective. There's a chance that you won't fall in love with him like I did, but there's also a chance that you will love what he has to say.

With that said, I have a question for you: It's January 7th, it's a week into the new year...how productive have you been this past week? Granted, we're on vacation, but I'm sure many of you wanted to read a few books, clean up some things, study for an upcoming class...something, right? This upcoming semester, I plan on studying a lot more than ever and managing other things in life. I know that you're probably figuring out ways to be more productive, so I thought I'd post a piece of Robin's blog for you to see! Enjoy :)

17 Tips To Double Your Productivity In 14 Days

1. Turn off all technology for 60 minutes a day and focus on doing your most important work.

2. Work in 90 minute cycles (tons of science is now confirming that this is the optimal work to rest ratio).

3. Start your day with at least 30 minutes of exercise.

4. Don’t check your email first thing in the morning.

5. Turn all your electronic notifications off.

6. Take one day a week as a complete recovery day, to refuel and regenerate (that means no email, no phone calls and zero work). You need full recovery one day a week otherwise you’ll start depleting your capabilities.

7. The data says workers are interrupted every 11 minutes. Distractions destroy productivity. Learn to protect your time and say no to interruptions.

8. Schedule every day of your week every Sunday morning. A plan relieves you of the torment of choice (said novelist Saul Bellow). It restores focus and provides energy.

9. Work in blocks of time. Creative geniuses all had 2 things in common: when they worked they were fully engaged and when they worked, they worked with this deep concentration for long periods of time. Rare in this world of entrepreneurs who can’t sit still.

10. Drink a liter of water early every morning. We wake up dehydrated. The most precious asset of an entrepreneur isn’t time – it’s energy. Water restores it.

11. Don’t answer your phone every time it rings.

12. Invest in your professional development so you bring more value to the hours you work.

13. Avoid gossip and time vampires.

14. Touch paper just once.

15. Keep a “Stop Doing List”.

16. Get up at 5 am.

17. Have meetings standing up.

Stay Productive and Make Your Work Matter!

Kindest regards,
Robin Sharma

You might think that his is ridiculous and useless...but try reading one of his books. Robin might just surprise you! If you'd like to borrow any, I have plenty.

So long <3

Friendship

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."

As much as I dreaded moving away from Sayville, Sachem turned out to be the experience of a lifetime for me. After being shy (yes, I was shy for once in my life) for a month or so, I became the Dhara I was known as throughout my Sachem years. Year after year, I kept in touch with pretty much the same people while still being "friends" with everyone in my year. Senior year came by quickly, and everyone promised to keep in touch. My friends that had graduated earlier kept in touch with each other, so I fell for the trap and strongly believed that I would also continue to be close to all of my friends even after June 2009. ...dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.

So if you are one of those lucky people that do keep in touch with everyone and still love all of your high school friends, then please stop reading. This won't really apply to you.

Just in case it isn't clear: I do not keep in touch with most of my friends from high school. Although FaceBook may say otherwise, I have only met up with six people from Sachem after graduating, and one of them is my wonderful, wonderful guidance counselor. As I started my life at Rutgers, I was nervous but happy to know that Peter would be there by my side to make everything a little bit easier. Freshman year turned out to be amazing: the friends I made, the conversations I had with Peter about high school, the experiences...everything was wonderful. As the year came to an end, I was excited to come back to Long Island knowing that going back would be a lot more exciting than it had been the previous year. ...boy was I wrong. For the most part, I stopped talking to my freshman year friends. There was a whole new group of people waiting to be in my life and then again I had the time of my life. Believe it or not, I expected junior year to be amazing because I assumed I would still be with my friends from sophomore year. Clearly, I was missing the pattern.

Once again, I have a whole new group of people in my life...people that I've known for awhile, but never really considered "close friends". I absolutely love them, and these friendships are totally different than the rest. They are based on values, principles, lifestyles, etc. As we cook together and spend most of our free time chatting away (or going into the woods looking for some fun adventures), we plan out our dream futures...where our kids will be best friends, have sleepovers all the time, call us Masi, Mama and our lives will be perfect. We'll all be living near each other, cooking at each others homes and all that corny stuff. But most importantly, we'll always be there for each other. When we snap out of these dream world and back into reality, we realize that most of this won't happen. God knows where we'll be living, who we'll be with, who our friends will be, etc. Still, I see so many people graduating year after year promising to keep in touch and stay friends forever (obviously that's a little easier with FaceBook, smartphones, and all of that good stuff). Don't they get it?! It's not going to happen, not the way they want it to anyway.

But rather than becoming a pessimistic person, I think my current friends have unknowingly taught me something...it doesn't matter how little or often we keep in touch as long as we're really there for each other. Yes, it's true that we won't be able to text each other 24/7, post random videos on each others walls or stay up until 6 knowing that we have a long day ahead of us. There is so much more that we can do! We can be present at each others' weddings watching them as they begin a new chapter in their lives. We can send holiday cards to each others' children to express our love towards them. We can lend a shoulder in times of need...basically be there for all of the important things in life.

Although I know that I will only see my friends "once in a blue moon" years from now, I truly hope that I can still be a part of their lives, and have them be a part of mine. For those of you that I end up not keeping in touch with, I want to let you know that I'll still always care about what's going on in your lives. And I apologize for being so awful at keeping in touch, it's never been my thing! More than that, I wish you the best of luck with everyone. A lot of you are graduating this year :( and I hope that you begin to live the life you always dreamed up of. Yeah, there will be a lot of obstacles in the way, but remember that we really are here for you to listen and to help in any way possible. For those of you that will still be at RU next year, let's stay friends, let's keep in touch!

I guess I don't really know what the point of this post was (as always!) but I just wanted to put my thoughts down somewhere. After seeing a friend I hadn't seen in six months and falling right back into our usual conversations, I realized that sometimes it's not about the FaceBook posts, the birthday wishes or the phone calls. Sometimes, it's just about how it feels with a friend after so long...how normal it feels and how little effort it requires to catch up. That's exactly what I can't wait for with most of you.

I thank you for being a part of my life now, hope to know what's going on with you in the future, and can't wait to create more memories (and take more pictures!) with you all. I love you!

So long <3